Dear Yoga Pants Mommy

Dear Mommy in the Yoga Pants at the Park,
You.  Yes, you.  We make fleeting eye contact and your eyes reveal the secret sisterhood of the "I have on yoga pants but I didn't do yoga today".  Don't be ashamed.  You wrangled a toddler while nursing an infant.  So let's just go ahead and call that what it is- yoga.  There you DID do yoga today.
Before I was a mommy I looked down upon the stay-at-home mommy attire.  I got myself up and ready for work every day. I fixed my hair every (ok almost every) day.  And you don't even go anywhere.  And babies sleep SOOOOOO much.  But I get it now.  There's this progression that you don't even feel until one day you realize, BAM, you look like a stay at home mom.  Here's how it went for me...

Newborn phase:
I was recovering from a c-section and a heart condition and surviving on very little sleep in between taking care of the needs of my precious two babes.  But I took a shower EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.  That's what naptime is for, my friends.  I know people who put the monitor in a ziplock so they can feel safe taking a shower while the baby naps.  This is not me, but if that's what you need to do, DO IT.  Take a shower.  You will feel so much better.  However, after taking a shower, I just put on my comfies again.  Because hey, I wasn't sleeping much at night, so whatever relaxing and being comfy I could do during the day was important and justified.  Not to mention I was a milk cow and would literally leak milk out of my breasts all over myself if they weren't covered and padded.  I remember how at the beginning I would always make sure my nipple pads (reusable) would match.  Sure, no one saw them, but I knew I was fashionably slopping up my leakage.  But one day I just stopped caring about matching and just started caring about keeping my shirt dry.  I think that one day was somewhere between the laundry being piled up to my knees and the laundry being piled up to my elbows.

Infant phase:
One day the "What to Expect When You're Expecting" app told me I was no longer the parent of newborns, but they had graduated to infanthood.  This means I, too, was emerging from the haze that is newborn.  I continued to shower every day, but as my babies went to 2 long naps a day I was even able to shower during the morning nap, let my hair dry in between, and then straighten it during the afternoon nap. Some days I put on jeans and a nice(ish) shirt.  Especially on the evenings where I would leave the house.  But quickly we arrived at the bodily fluids phase.  Somehow the babies diapers started getting full and sometimes leaky.  The spit up came regularly (far more regularly than when they were newborns.  How does that make sense?!).  And when they started eating it ALL went out the window.  Pieces of food, smears of baby oatmeal, and slobber mixed food regurgitation...  God forbid they sneeze mid-bite!  So the sloppy clothes started getting put back on post-shower. With the eating came massive amounts of more dishes and really gross diapers.  So out went the afternoon hair straightening and in came dishes and diaper duty in the afternoon.  The people I would tutor in the evenings have known me for 11 years, so they don't care what I look like anyway!  And besides, it no longer makes any sense to look even a little nice.

So here's where I am friends.  But here's what I predict the next stage to be like in most mommies lives:
Babies finally get more adept at eating.  But they still sneeze and snot and throw up and throw food and oh my goodness, they've finished eating but now they NEVER stay still!  And I want to clean up but they are eating my electrical wires.  And digging in the trash.  And licking the unkempt floor.  So I don't have time.

And whew... they are finally older!  They're able to occupy themselves for a few minutes!  I can fix my hair!  Wait before I do that, ummmm, why do I feel nauseated?  When was the last time I had my monthly visitor?  Just in case let me pee on a stick.  What?! Here we go again!!

By the time you get all your kids out of the "you make me unclean at all times" phase, you've looked like a stay at home mommy for so long, it's BECOME you.

Seriously though, I don't think most stay at home mommies set out on this journey and think, "I'd like to look like poo every single day of my life, but my kids will certainly always look cute."  I think it's a slow fade, and one day you realize you haven't worn makeup in 2 weeks and you don't remember the last time you fixed your hair.  You realize that your hairdryer stopped working at Christmas and you still haven't replaced it with a new one.  And you think, I should get a new.... hey, don't we need to buy some diapers?

So you, yoga pants mommy- I'll see your yoga pants and raise you a snot covered sweatshirt.  And do you mind if I borrow your blowdryer one day?  I see you aren't using it.

Love,
Snot-covered Sweatshirt Mommy

How Egypt and babies made me granola

A long time ago when I pictured myself as a mom, I had no idea how much that picture would actually change.  Turns out, when people in middle school made fun of me for moving from the land of fruits, nuts, and flakes (AKA Southern California), that I actually am a bit granola.  However, I did not start that way.

Then I moved to Egypt.

And then I had babies like for real.  

In Egypt I drastically changed.  Perhaps not much physically, but a new Jen returned home 3 short years later.  All of a sudden I became one of those "research shows" kind of girls.  And I started to question the majority.  And I learned to appreciate and seek out news, ideas, and methodologies that are different from the mainstream.  I also learned to be more budget and environmentally conscious without even trying.  

And then I had babies.  And I learned to really question the norm.  To seek out research.  And to question EVERYTHING.  This doesn't mean I'm sitting at home judging those who go along with the mainstream/norm.  This doesn't mean I think my ways are superior to other folks.  This does mean that I've learned to seek out what I truly think is best for ME, for MY children, and for MY family.  

So...

• I use cloth diapers.  Better for the environment, better for the pocketbook (and with twins, OH MY.  I CANNOT imagine how much we would pay for diapers.) And I've also seen better results for my babies.  The only time they have had diaper rash was in the 10 weeks we used disposables.  I don't know why, but a lot of people say that cloth diapered kids rarely get diaper rash.  We've found this to be true.  People say it can't be done.  It's too much work with twins.  Y'all.  It's another 2 loads of laundry a week.  That's it.  And since we never put away our grown up laundry anymore (can I get an amen from the moms who live out of laundry baskets?!), it really isn't that much work at all.  A few times a week I sacrifice 30 minutes of naptime to stuff the diapers so they're ready.  That's it.  When we did disposables (we waited to do cloth till they were 10 pounds bc I didn't want to buy newborn cloth and I didn't want our one size diapers to leak.  Ew, nb poo leakage.) we were going through about 15-20 diapers a day.  That's an average of 120 diapers a week.  That's 500 diapes a month roughly.  Crazy.  Granted, it's slowed down as they've gotten older and we now only go through about 10-12 plus 2 disposables for night, but still.  That's a lotta cash in my pocket.  
• I don't do cry-it-out.  I was always, always down with cry-it-out.  "3 days and they'll learn a new pattern."  "The first night they might cry for a few hours, but after that it get's better." "Put some cereal in the bottle and it will help them sleep longer after they do fall asleep." "They need to learn to put themselves back to sleep." I'm telling you, right up until the first night I did cry-it-out, I was TOTALLY down.  My girl is not the easiest baby, and she was a TOUGH newborn.  Sometimes when I look back at pictures I realize I've forgotten just how much that gal used to cry.  But right around the first night of "I've had it these babies need to sleep and she cries too much so she can just lay there and cry until she falls asleep" I found several articles.  One really stuck with me.  It said that even though the baby learns to put him/herself to sleep, studies of the brain show that the babe is quiet, but the brain still shows the same sign of distress.  I was down with cry-it-out if they learned a new skill and moved on.  But if they were still silently distressed, well... I wasn't ok with that.  Now, that doesn't mean I don't let my babies cry ever.  I will give them 5 minutes to try and put themselves to sleep.  And they are rockstars at putting themselves to sleep.  They aren't so good at putting themselves BACK to sleep.  So COULD they/I be sleeping through the night?  Probably.  Are they?  No.  And I'm ok with that.  And since I'm the person that has to get up each night, that's ok.  Chile and I have a saying about different foods we eat or activities we take part in.  We say, "Your body, your choice."  Here I say, "Your baby, your choice."  
• I do baby led weaning.  I know, it's becoming a new trend, but whatev.  I'm SO proud of my babes and how well they're eating.  BLW doesn't involve stopping bottles/breastfeeding.  It involves the baby eating solids from the beginning and not being spoon-fed (by an adult- I load the spoon and they feed themselves).  Here's my broken record, but research shows (GRIN) that babies who do BLW are less likely to be obese as adults because they learn from the beginning when to stop eating when full.  They are given control of the food that they consume (or don't).  Studies also show that they are less picky eaters in the future because they start with a variety of flavors and textures.  Plus, I just don't want to make the mush and feed it to them.  This doesn't mean I'm off the hook.  I can't put food down and walk away.  I have to stay with them to make sure they don't choke, to communicate with them about food, and to show them (by modeling) how to chew and swallow different foods.  I have to sit and encourage the pincher grasp.  I have to praise when they pick up hard to get foods and actually make it into their mouths.  But I've already seen SO MUCH progress.  They feed themselves.  They are accepting of new flavors/textures.  They've had veggies, fruit, dairy, grains, peanut butter (gasp), and so much more in only a month.  And I'm high-fiving them the whole way!
• I agree with the APA recommendation of nursing (if you can- no formula shaming here) till a year at least, and "as long as it's mutually agreeable to the parent and child".  No, I don't plan on nursing my babes till they're 3.  If you are, your body your choice.  My body my choice.  No judgement.  But we're going exclusive till 1, then morning and evening till I decide to quit (or 2 max.  My own choice.) Breastfeeding is weird and amazing and I actually kind of like it.  I sustained their little lives for 9 months while I was pregnant and have continued to do so for 7 more.  That makes me proud.  
• And... <insert BIIIIIIIG head-hanging sheepish grin because of how badly I talked about and was skeptical over this topic> I am dabbling in essential oils.  I'm still a big believer in doctors and medicine and all the good things they can do.  But if I can: 1.  Keep my babies away from chemicals, 2.  Make my own cleaning supplies, mosquito spray, etc. , and 3.  Prevent illness and maybe make it go away faster without prescription drugs, I'll try it.  

So, at the end of this novel I say- you won't always be the kind of parent you imagine yourself to be.  You won't always be the kind of parent you start out being.  It's ok to change your mind.  It's ok to be different.  It's ok to to question the norm.  And it's ok to seek out what's best for YOU and YOUR family.