Monday, August 4, 2014

What have I done?

I often think, "What have I done? Why did I choose this?"

When the cries are inconsolable for minutes. Hours. Days. 
What have I done?

When I look at my battle wounded body and fresh new scar. 
What have I done?

When I survey the dirty diapers. The mostly empty bottles. The unwashed dishes. The chaos that has become my house.
What have I done?

When I sigh because I want just an hour, no 10 minutes, no just one minute to myself. 
What have I done?

When it's 7:00 in the evening and I finally brush my teeth for the day. I don't remember the last time I fixed my hair or put on makeup. 
What have I done?

When I look at the empty formula, and diaper box, and bank account. 
What have I done?

When I pray for a five hour stretch of sleep, or four, or just more than 3. 
What have I done?

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 I often think, "What have I done? I don't deserve this."

When he grabs my finger with tender ferocity and won't let go. 
What have I done?

When she wears her bows and coos and people tell me of her beauty. 
What have I done?

When his smile, hard earned, lights up the whole room. 
What have I done?

When she sleeps in quiet security in the crook of my arm. 
What have I done?

When he rests his head and nestles against my chest in peaceful slumber. 
What have I done?

When she cries In impatience and I so clearly see a picture of how God sees me. 
What have I done?

When they look at me with silent admiration, unmatched love, and unwavering trust. 
What have I done?

And then He whispers a response ever so gently, "Nothing." 
Nothing. 
I have done nothing to deserve this kind of love, this gift. 
I have done nothing, yet I now have MY people. My family. 
I have done nothing. 

I Peter 2:2-3
Like newborn infants, long for the pure spiritual milk, that by it you may grow up into salvation— if indeed you have tasted that the Lord is good.

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